[snsfw] So I'm killing some kittens...

bboypuertoroc · 11-23-2007, 08:19 AM

I'm ****ing laughing so hard right now it's almost impossible to type this...

So after watching a few Alison Angel movies I get the urge to go on a kitten-killing spree. Open up a Masuimi Max vid and a few Naughty America flicks I dl'd. Also got a Naomi vid open.

Ready for business.

Fappin's away, kittens are dying mercilessly.

Gettin' ready to kill 'em all off and....

CRAMP

At the exact instant I'm stroking the death blow, my right leg cramps up. BAD. Possibly the worst leg cramp I've ever had in my life. So much pain. So much horror. So much...

I guess the instant pain from the cramp made me flex every muscle in my body. I musta shot about 6 feet in the air. Missed my face by inches. ****in' **** landed all over the place. Hit the top of my head, landed in my birthday cake, hit my mouse, laptop, ****ing everything. It was like gooey, kitten-death-filled rain.

But I can't move to do anything about it.

I'm in agonizing pain. I'm moaning like a 2 dollar hooker taking 3 dicks at once. I was REALLY loud. So loud, in fact, that one of the hotel workers knocked on the door. I was in too much pain to tell them to go away. I mean, I'm really ****ing howling.

So this mutha****a decides to open the damn door to see what's going on.

There's ****ing fap juice EVERYWHERE. I can't move. My tube steak is still in my hand. My shorts are at my ankles. WTF.

I'm really trying to get the words "GO THE **** AWAY" out, but I sounded like a retard with a mouth full of peanut butter.

The door opens.

IT'S A CHICK.

I don't even know what to type anymore. I can't imagine what she was thinking. All I remember was the look on her face... PRICELESS. It almost made my pain worth it. It was the craziest looking O face in the history of mankind. She froze in place for what felt like 10 minutes (more like 10 seconds though). Then, I swear on my sack...

She did that, exactly. I lol'd in between my yelps of pain. It made the leg cramp so worth it.

FOOTNOTES:
I fapped
I got leg cramp
I flung it everywhere, including my head and b-day cake
Immense pain
Hotel worker chick walks in

Kittens - 1/Tony - 0

*UPDATE FROM PAGE 3*

Quote:

Originally Posted by bboypuertoroc

LMAO... UPDATE:

Man, this girl must be shy as all hell or just embarrased out of her mind... she wouldn't even look at me or say anything when we passed in the halls on my floor. She walked with her head hung in shame.

I speak in past tense because... she got moved to a different floor yesterday. HA!!! I talked to one of the dudes that works on my floor and he told me she asked to be moved a few days ago but wouldn't say why.

So naturally, I told him. He lol'd.

I can now see this getting spread amongst the hotel staff. I'll be famous.

Whoever's reading this... it really is worth it to read all the posts, there's some funny **** in here.

ct350z · 11-23-2007, 08:23 AM

bahahahahahhahahahha, roflmfao....wtf?

timmays350 · 11-23-2007, 09:08 AM

was she fat? cause that wouldn't be as bad as havin a hot one walk in.

bboypuertoroc · 11-23-2007, 09:17 AM

There are no fat girls here. All the girls that work here are at least doable.

I'd give her a 5.5-6. I've seen her before several times (I've been here 2 months).

ct350z · 11-23-2007, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bboypuertoroc

There are no fat girls here. All the girls that work here are at least doable.

I'd give her a 5.5-6. I've seen her before several times (I've been here 2 months).

invite her to your room next time you see her...lol

RudeG_v2.0 · 11-23-2007, 09:25 AM

watching you fap.jpg

Ghost 350z · 11-23-2007, 09:38 AM

Best thread evar !!1!!1111!!!

Jes-Z · 11-23-2007, 09:40 AM

I would said. Why are you standing there? Clean it up *****!

bboypuertoroc · 11-23-2007, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jes-Z

I would said. Why are you standing there? Clean it up *****!

That prolly woulda crossed my mind if I wasn't in such agonizing pain.

I can still feel the knot now. I know if I move the wrong way (or fap the wrong way) it's gonna cramp again.

It was one of those episodes when you stretch your legs out. you know? Got the full lean-back in the chair going on and ****.

Won't be doing THAT again.

bboypuertoroc · 11-23-2007, 09:47 AM

Oh, what's even worse about the cake part is that it's about 5 feet or so from where I'm sitting... BEHIND me.

Old School · 11-23-2007, 09:51 AM

how was the cake? lol

rkemp1 · 11-23-2007, 09:54 AM

That has gotta be the funniest thing I have ever read in my life!!!

bboypuertoroc · 11-23-2007, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Old School

how was the cake? lol

About as good as anything else with a bit of nut butter mixed in.

Somewhat sweet... somewhat salty.

black06z · 11-23-2007, 10:02 AM

ct350z · 11-23-2007, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bboypuertoroc

About as good as anything else with a bit of nut butter mixed in.

Somewhat sweet... somewhat salty.

ew gross

kayfuNk · 11-23-2007, 11:01 AM

Hahhaha Holy ****ing ****. If This Is True, This Is Possibly The Funniest Story I've Ever Heard.

I CANT STOP LAUGHING AT THE "EXACT SECOND IM STROKING THE DEATH BLOW." LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

y_b_lamron · 11-23-2007, 11:04 AM

that's a great story!

jumpin800agl · 11-23-2007, 11:13 AM

that has to be the funniest **** i have heard in a while. Go get a profile from a fapping incident. . . lmao.

Jim@Showstoppers · 11-23-2007, 11:24 AM

rofl !

ToXiC · 11-23-2007, 11:54 AM

ahahhaha this is a great laugh

11-23-2007, 08:23 AM	#2
ct350z Registered User Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Miami, Florida Posts: 14,431 iTrader: (6)	bahahahahahhahahahha, roflmfao....wtf? __________________ Team DNF 2003 350Z BASE: 266whp & 243tq Lots of bolt-ons

11-23-2007, 09:17 AM	#4
bboypuertoroc Registered User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Get out my way pimpin, HI Posts: 13,072 iTrader: (4)	There are no fat girls here. All the girls that work here are at least doable. I'd give her a 5.5-6. I've seen her before several times (I've been here 2 months). __________________ Evo IX GSR - FPRed, 30psi... will rape you in your sleep on Christmas. *Team DNF*

11-23-2007, 09:25 AM	#6
RudeG_v2.0 私にトレッドはありません 2006 Infiniti G35 My Garage Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 3,439 iTrader: (1)	watching you fap.jpg __________________ Need a good laugh? ---> Click HERE '04 G35 Coupe R.I.P. \|\| '06 G35 Coupe: Build in progress at Intense Power \|\| '09 370Z 6MT Sport (new daily driver)

11-23-2007, 09:40 AM	#8
Jes-Z Master Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: THE MIA Posts: 2,781 iTrader: (7)	I would said. Why are you standing there? Clean it up *****! __________________

11-23-2007, 09:47 AM	#10
bboypuertoroc Registered User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Get out my way pimpin, HI Posts: 13,072 iTrader: (4)	Oh, what's even worse about the cake part is that it's about 5 feet or so from where I'm sitting... BEHIND me. __________________ Evo IX GSR - FPRed, 30psi... will rape you in your sleep on Christmas. *Team DNF*

11-23-2007, 09:08 AM	#3
timmays350 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Grand Forks, ND Posts: 275 iTrader: (6)	was she fat? cause that wouldn't be as bad as havin a hot one walk in.

11-23-2007, 09:51 AM	#11
Old School Shift_Boost Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: BI & BD Posts: 10,108 iTrader: (24)	how was the cake? lol __________________ Team DNF Triple OG - The Resident Chimney \| Tag = SmellyNutButter \| Braggin' Rights 2009

11-23-2007, 09:54 AM	#12
rkemp1 I need an LSD! Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: baltimore Posts: 1,537 iTrader: (0)	That has gotta be the funniest thing I have ever read in my life!!! __________________ Silver Alloy 07 base - Best Time-13.21 - Best Trap 108.16 - Fully sponsored by Visa and Mastercard. AAM 2.5 inch exhaust-test pipes-Technosquare. Student loans slowing the mods. 12s-coming soon

11-23-2007, 10:02 AM	#14
black06z Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Location: West Coast/Pacific Rim Posts: 6,840 iTrader: (1)	__________________ 2004 350z (sold) \|\| 2002 Maxima

11-23-2007, 11:01 AM	#16
kayfuNk Banned Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: MIAMI! Posts: 1,613 iTrader: (6)	Hahhaha Holy **ing *. If This Is True, This Is Possibly The Funniest Story I've Ever Heard. I CANT STOP LAUGHING AT THE "EXACT SECOND IM STROKING THE DEATH BLOW." LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Last edited by kayfuNk; 11-23-2007 at 11:05 AM.*

11-23-2007, 11:04 AM	#17
y_b_lamron Flower Power! Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Tampa, Fl. Posts: 5,448 iTrader: (0)	that's a great story! __________________ Nikki-350z Club of Fla 2003 Chrome silver 350z Vortech SC...finally! Injen SES exhaust, JWT flywheel/Clutch, DC headers, Megan test pipes, 19" Volk GT-7 Black Chrome, Flower power graphics, 132k miles...yipes!

11-23-2007, 11:13 AM	#18
jumpin800agl Forged Army Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Vicenza, Italy Posts: 3,129 iTrader: (7)	that has to be the funniest **** i have heard in a while. Go get a profile from a fapping incident. . . lmao. __________________ International Beer Taster 2008 G37c Sport (TT project winter '09) Merry Christmas from the Stan

11-23-2007, 11:24 AM	#19
Jim@Showstoppers Banned Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Monrovia, CA Posts: 4,977 iTrader: (157)	rofl !

11-23-2007, 11:54 AM	#20
ToXiC Team DNF BiYM 2009 Nissan 370Z Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Screwston, Texas Posts: 873 iTrader: (4)	ahahhaha this is a great laugh __________________ TEAM DNF = VIRUS211

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