Black Duck

Well they are slightly different from the traditional gypsies because from my experiance they don't live in the horse n cart style caravans.

In the village I lived in we had a few of them living in government housing down the street. They were always driving up and down with hedge cuttings in the back of their pick ups. They all seemed to be in landscaping but it's probably a front coz they always have shifty goods to sell. They kinda have that Irish sort of accent but speak real fast.

One of them in the village was called Tommy Cooper which is funny because thats the name of a very famous comedian in England. Infact Tommy is a very popular name among pikeys.

There is no question they are tough and all stick together. I really wouldnt wanna mess with them (like in ******).

I warned my mrs (who is a yankee) about them when she moved to England. Unfortunately she misheard me and for ages thought they were call pixies.

Black Duck

An O'irish Story.

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems.....

'Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot.'

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

'Incredible'he says, 'there is a £20 note lodged up here.'

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10 pound note appears.

'This is amazing!'exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?'

'Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man! 'shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc.....

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

'Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter. Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?'

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says '£1,990 exactly.'

'Ah, dat'd be roit,'' says the Irishman


'I knew I wasn't feeling two grand..'

chunky_baby

LOLZ at gag!!

Tommy Cooper FTW!! Here are some classics:

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back. 'The doctor said, 'It's old age. 'The woman said, 'I want a second opinion. 'The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well. '

'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine. 'So that was nice.'

A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'

A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners

'So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said, 'You are.'

'So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said ' Is that the local swimming baths?' He said ' It depends where you're calling from.'

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind' ,
so he gave me a kite.

I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for 'flu.
So I went, and I got it.'

I was in the attic the other day with the wife. Damp and dusty.........but she's great with the kids!

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house'. He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Black Duck

LOL

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
A strong currant pulled him in.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night