Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

 

pahahahaa omg man youre nuts. those are making me laugh in the library.

 

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

 

Whoever runs this forum should edit the title.

You shouldn’t even be permitted to have chuck norris and Jack B#$#@$ name in the same sentence.


I only pray that chuck lets them live.

Long live Chuck. The greatest human(i think a god) to ever live.

 

Since Chuck norris was born, death by round house kick has increase by 16000%.

 

Are you kidding??? Jack would take out Chuck Norris and his lame round house kick combo. All Jack has to do is call Cholie and get the directions to Chuck Norris house, he would then fly their in 2 seconds kick down the door shot him in the head take a hack saw and cut his head off and send it to Chucks Mom!

 

BIO
Name: Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris Jr.
Birthday: March 10, 1940
Birthplace: Oklahoma
Current Location: Right behind you
Eye Color: Blue with specks of insanity
Hair Color: Strawberry-Blonde
Height: 5'10
Right Handed or Left Handed: Chooses to use his feet in most situations
Heritage: 50% American Indian, 50% American Hero
Death Count : Unknown
Weakness: None
Fears: None
Hobbies: Telling little boys they have AIDS
Long Term Goals : Roundhouse kicking
Motto: "I am Chuck Norris "
Favorite Color : Lavender
Favorite TV Show: Texas Ranger
Favorite Movie: Delta Force


BIO
Name: Jonathan"Jack" Bauer
Birthday: Classified
Birthplace: California
Current Location: ????
Eye Color: Fire with a hint of determination
Hair Color: Depends on how much blood he has shed on any given day
Height: 5'11
Right Handed or Left Handed: Jack Bauer's hands are lethal weapons and are not limited by any preference
Heritage: 100% Badass
Death Count : Approx. 350
Weakness: Getting framed
Fears: Clowns
Hobbies: Clearing his name
Long Term Goals : Saving the World
Motto: "All in a day's work"
Favorite Color : Fear
Favorite TV Show: The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross
Favorite Movie: The Fugitive

 

It's quite clear that both Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris are forces that can't be stopped. That is, however, unless the awesome forces of fate somehow caused the two to meet in some sort of battle for ultimate supremacy. Of course, such a battle would have to be the result of diabolical forces manipulating the truth in an effort to rid the world of both Jack and Chuck.

In order for said battle to take place, the aforementioned diabolical forces would have to manipulate a situation in which both Jack and Chuck are under the impression they are working with pure intentions, when in fact they have been manipulated to destroy each other.

With much thought and careful consideration, we here at Jack VS Chuck have painstakingly assembled the following scenario for how such an epic battle would unfold.

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Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris have just received identical orders to eliminate each other without knowing who their actual targets are. These instructions have lead both of them to an abandoned warehouse located at a dormant shipping port.

The warehouse is large and unexplainably still contains large containers and has crowbars and chains lying around.

Chuck has decided to take the brash approach of just walking right through the main doors, making as much noise and drawing as much attention as possible. Dressed in blue jeans and a tweed sports jacket, accompanied by cowboy boots and hat. Gun drawn, he walks down the center of the warehouse.

At the same time Jack is already hiding in the ventilation system. He has a wireless uplink to CTU and has access to 30 remote cameras viewable on his PDA. He has night vision goggles and a silenced 9mm.

Chuck is sidestepping his way across the floor of the warehouse, attention drawn straight ahead. As he is making slow deliberate steps, he mistakenly kicks a loose metal pipe that is lying on the floor. It echoes throughout the warehouse and exposes his presence. Jack trains his cameras on Chuck and triangulates his exact location.

Using a small shaped charge, Jack blows a hole in the duct he is hiding in and drops through the ceiling suspended by a single rope.

Chuck dives for cover.

The two both start shooting at each other. Chuck is using a revolver and somehow manages to get 35 rounds off. Jack returns fire, and after running out of rounds throws his weapon away and pulls out a back up and continues to shoot.

After some time both come the realization that bullets have no affect on either of them.

Out of breath, both are sitting on the floor leaning up against shipping containers. They begin yelling out to each other.

Chuck notices that there is a heavy hook hanging from a chain that is connected to track in the ceiling. Out of sheer chance, the hanging hook/chain contraption is in Jack's direct path.

Chuck steps out into the open to draw Jack out. As soon as Jack takes the bait, Chuck does a slow-motion roundhouse kick sending the whole chain/hook device right at Jack.

The hook hits jack right in the face and knocks him to the ground. Blood has been drawn.

Jack is out cold, or so we think. Chuck walks over, cautious, yet confident that Jack has been defeated. Chuck leans over Jack and begins reciting an old Indian prayer in order to set Jack's spirit free. While this is going on the ghostly vision of an old Cherokee warrior appears and we catch the glimpse of the hindquarters of a wolf as it scurries behind a container. Not sure whether this is real or a vision, Chuck is distracted. In that time Jack regains consciousness and stabs Chuck in the leg.

Jack gets on top of Chuck and removes his belt. He begins to strangle him, yelling, "What do you know!!"

Chuck tries to grab at his own throat but is unable to stop Jack. Chuck is dying. In a moment that makes absolutely no sense, the wolf reappears and lunges at Jack in a cheesy slow-motion/strobe effect kind of way. Jack in knocked off of chuck.

The two exchange blows for a while, Jack repeatedly snaps Chuck's neck, and Chuck gets off a good 25-30 roundhouse kicks to Jack's head. Both are a little worse for the wear, but neither is seriously injured.

At this point both Jack and Chuck realize that they are incapable of being destroyed. After comparing stories they also realize they have been setup. This realization sets into a series of events that involves them both hijacking a domestic flight from LA to New York, breaking various federal and interstate laws, postal fraud, and kidnapping, in order to get back at those who set them up. Lots of people get their necks snapped and roundhouse kicked to the head, but after 24 hours those responsible have been killed and both Jack and Chuck go home to have sex with females.

But what Jack doesnt realize is that his female is really Chuck Norris in a wig, who then proceeds to castrate Jack removing his source of power, thus allowing Chuck to produce a leathal round house kick killing Jack the hom0 once and for all.

Morals of the story:
Dont take men home with beards!!
Jack is a bum.
And Chuck Norris is and will always be the badest SOB on the planet.

 

Ummmm wow you pretty much this thread hahaha You obviously thought this out and I applaud you for the sheer effort and time you took to write this. I also think you/ this thread cuz you proved that internationally Chuck still kicks Jack's *** haha

 

How can Jack place said call if Chuck already kicked his head off? He actually kicked his head so hard his head stayed put and his body blew out from underneath him in a bloody massacre of human insides turned outsides.... BTW he now own's you now.

 

Incorrect again!!

This is actually us, the United States.

Chuck didn’t want to take all the glory. Someone has to be the #2 supreme power in the world.