South Africans are serious about protecting their cars, and the law favors them. In RSA, it's legal- and even common- to equip your wheels with "theft deterrent" devices like tear gas spray, electric shock systems, even lethal poison gas, acid showers and flamethrowers.

One unidentified owner of a fine automobile couldn't bring himself to install a lethal device, but wanted any wannabe car thieves at least rendered unconscious. He had an airbag installed in his car's roof, right over the driver's head, set to go off if anyone climbed behind the wheel without first hitting the disable switch. The object was just to knock the sucker out. It didn't work, but then it worked better than he hoped.

Pieter Niewoudt didn't have to use his pistol to ****** the car, so he stuck it back in his pocket before he sat down. Apparently his hand was still wrapped around his roscoe and his finger on the trigger when his butt smacked the leather. That's when the bag went off.

Okay, he wasn't quite knocked unconscious by the exploding air bag, but there were so many little spinning stars and chirpin' birdies circling his thoroughly stunned noggin that he thought he had been shot. Naturally, his first reaction was to return fire. The fact that his pistol was still in his front pants pocket didn't quite make the cerebral connection.

Score: One self-inflicted wound that destroyed his right knee, and the second shot-the "money shot"-took out the base of his *****.

No, the South Africans didn't spend a lot of taxpayer Rand on reconstructive surgery for criminals. They just whack things off even and slap on a bandage.

Stumpy or Gimpy or Stumpy Gimpy ain't gonna be running from cops or dallying with the ladies in the future. And they say there's no justice...