One of the negatives of being a lawyer is the fact that you can't help but train the spouse to argue effectively, and I am now paying the price for all the assertiveness and persuasion training I gave my wife.

I can't be the only potential/hopeful modder (the wife would say "ricer" or "money waster") on this forum who is struggling with trying to find a way to convince the spouse that modding is a good idea (or at least that she should let me do it w/o making me "pay" for it over and over again). Crawford is less than 1/4 mile from my wife's workplace, and I am very impressed w/Doug. Her recent mantra to me has become, "beware of Doug!"

FYI, She also has a Z, and she does like the strictly cosmetic mods of the $250.00 or less variety. Also be aware that she's an accountant, so fuzzy math won't work on her, and she could care less about any hp increase. She keeps arguing having a tough time to find a buyer when it's time to sell, and even though I have given her the spiel about the Magnusson-Moss (sp?) Act, she still responds, "but what if the mods DO cause your engine to blow up, and they CAN prove it? You'll be driving a Toyota Corolla!)

Anyone have any helpful stories? Ideas? Suggestions?

P.S. I'm hopeful that she won't look at this part of the forum, but she's also a member and if she does see this post: I LOVE YOU, Honey, Snookums, Sweetums!!!

 

tell her its a guy thing that cant be explained. hopefully she will understand and let it be. If not go out anyway and buy a header, exhaust etc. If she asks why you got it tell her it was "primal instinct".

Seriously though, if shes allowed to get exterior cosmetic stuff. you should be able to get stuff for your car that would make it run better. its just more economical. Better milage, faster to get from point A to point B etc etc.

wifey if your reading this, let him be. pleez for the whole Z community.

 

Are you really on that tight of a budget? As long as you own your own home and your putting money towards stuff like retirement, what else are you supposed to do with the extra money other than spend it on stuff that makes you happy. Every hobby cost money. Some more than others. Think about scuba diving. That costs an arm and a leg.

Some things chicks will never understand.

 

First of all make sure she know that the stock plenum is really bad for our engine and that the Crawford Plenum actually helps to get a better A/F ratio to all the cylinders. This will keep the engine running better for longer. Also, exhaust mods such as headers will not cause damage on our car unless someone screws up the install. After I got my TS ECU done, I am now getting 29-30 mpg on the highway and 21-22 mpg in town and I like to get on the gas in town at every light.

 

Get her involved in motorsport and she will want to be more competitive hence wanting more mods. Hell she may even pay for them.

 

A lawyer and an accountant, both driving Zs... doesn't sound like you should have any problem affording mods, so what is her main objection? You can resell them incredibly easy here in Private Classifieds for at least 50-75% of what you paid originally. Remember, forgiveness is always easier to obtain than permission.

 

I am so glad I am not the only one....my wife agreed to give me an allowance which was great. Unfortunately I went through the money in a week, and now I can't get anything else. I need the Crawford plenum to

 

well in my experience in trying to convince them that modding improves the car its a losing battle no matter how good your argument....they figure, stock should be good enough and thats it....remember, throw out logic....thats the key. ....or buy a z thats got already everything you want....right!

now if necessary don't even tell them you are modding....this works well until you get to cosmetics....then you have to go covert...that means online credit cards where no statement shows up at the house for you, this is a must since she is an accountant

strike while the iron is hot....this works well when the mood is right and you work the old magic for a mod or two ; disclaimer here since the mood eventually wears off and its back to reality but by then you already have it installed

since you both own a z i guess you could get her the mod you want for say a birthday or anniversary gift...if she doesn't like it, well you just put it on your car

good luck....fight the good fight my brother...out

 

Quote by Squill " It's better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission"

Buy everything u want all at once then ask for mercy hee hee.
Get it all installed before she finds out so she cant make you return the stuff!

 

I've been married to a lawyer for 20 years and my solution is to talk to her in attorney lingo, YOUR OBJECTION IS OVERRULED this case is dismissed. Tell her you could be spending your money on going to Titty bars. I think she might agree to the mods instead. Also when you've been married as long as I have you SHOULD have a private bank account.
Hope this doesn't cause a divorce.

 

The Doctor is in:

the forgiveness/permission thing is a fool's game, as is the 'I could be hanging out at a titty bar' ploy. Anyone trying THAT one is an idiot! If you are on a tight budget, it's going to be hard to justify wasting money on car mods to your spouse. Take things slower. Deal with some of the financial issues first: put some extra money in savings, take care of some of the money issues that are worrying her (that will help a lot), and then talk to her about maybe having a little side savings account that you can throw extra shekels into to save up for things. Better to talk about it all in advance than to spend time in the doghouse later, which, my friend, you definitely will. If you cross her & just buy things, I guarantee you will not enjoy your mods anyway. If you doubt me...do it & see what happens. Remember; ya'll are married & you are a team. Plus you are so far down the road because she is a Z-gal!

This just based on my personal observations...you need to maintain harmony in the home. Good luck.

 

Thanks, all, for the support and suggestions, some of which (I'll keep off record) I just might implement.

SlamMan and wren57 mentioned the issue of us surely having the money; we do, thankfully, and yes, we're also saving for retirement, but as you'll note from some of the other responses, unless you're so wealthy you're about to be profiled by Robin Leach, the issue isn't usually whether or not you can afford it, or how much money you have, but exactly what you should do with the money you do have. For example, the multi-millionaire wanted to be on the Enzo Ferrari waiting list, but his wife insisted that the money go toward the down payment on the beachfront vacation home in Coconut Grove, FL. There's usually some conflict on the issue.

BTW, in an aside, while most people seem to think that all lawyers earn $ like Johnny Cochran and all physicians earn about what the chief of surgery at the Mayo Clinic does, the truth is that while most of us are doing well and earning a comfortable living, we don't make as much as most folks think, on average (and most of my physician friends will tell you that the executives who run the managed care organizations are the ones really cleaning up).

I may just have to ask Doug Stewart to raise his right hand and repeat after me, "I solemnly swear not to tell your wife what we talked about or how much money you want to spend on mods."

 

I agree wholeheartedly w/all of the above, and I would NEVER think of pulling the trigger on a significant mod (or any expenditure, for that matter, over a couple hundred dollars) without telling my wife before I actually did it. Jan. 14, '05, will be 13 years of marriage, and obviously, she is much more important to me than the car.

On the other hand, while I would also NEVER advocate lying to your spouse about anything, there is certainly no harm in employing a little "strategy" every now and then in marital negotiations, especially when it seems like her strategy is usually more successful than your own. The unfortunate fact is that most (no, not all) controlling husbands get what they want with fear (or, if not as brazen, passive aggressive behavior), while most wives (again, not all) get what they want with manipulation.

Finally, I'll admit I'm very lucky to have a wife who isn't a "girly-girl". On our second wedding anniversary, she (seriously) asked for and received a set of premium ramps, a tarp, and an oil drip pan so she could change her own oil. We both made a LOT less money then, but she has kept doing it (she has also replaced a radiator and changed out her own brake pads), and at one point considered giving up the white collar rat race to become a BMW mechanic (they were aggressively recruiting females at the time).

She LOVES cars; she just isn't into modding for increased hp, reasoning that if I was going to spend that much more money on the Z, why not have just gotten a more expensive and faster car, stock and unmodded except for cosmetics.

 

WP

you sound like a fool. you must wear the dresses and skirts in your relationship and your wife surely wears the pants. A mans hobby of hot rodding is almost as old as dirt and no woman should stand in the way,imo. Does your wife get your permission to get her hair,nails done etc. etc.

 

Coach, you'll note that I didn't agree w/all of WP's post and only quoted part of it, but I do think that coming up w/a way to get her to AGREE to let you do all the modding is not wussie, it's smart. Ideas to CONVINCE her to let me do it was the idea behind starting this thread. After all, if she agreed to let you do it, she can't take it out on you for the next ten years.

Growing up in the south on a farm, I much preferred my father's style of discipline (a vigorous whipping, but quickly over with) to my mother's (several hours of "discussion" about how I had disappointed her, yada, yada, yada, all the while thinking a quick punch in the face would be far more humane). Plus, in a marriage, the women hold the trump card of sex. It's morally wrong to use it as a weapon, but if they decide to, they can be like a camel going without water.

My wife does prefer pants to skirts, but so do I, and while I can't speak for WP, my wife did ask my permission about a week ago to spend $50.00 at a nice salon for a haircut (no perm, no color, just a haircut). It's a partnership.

The scary thing is you're married to an attorney. If you don't have a prenup. agreement (and unless you married her before law school, I doubt it); if you didn't pay for her law schooling; and if you didn't do most of the caretaking of your kids when they were young, if you have any, under the laws of most states, you could be the big loser in a divorce. She might even try to get the above post of yours admitted into evidence to back up an argument (even if untrue) that you have an antequated, cro magnon view of women. Again, it's wrong, but the fact is that on balance, the woman is believed more often in a divorce than a man.

Obviously, however, no guy should just give in without a (verbal) fight when it comes to something as important as NA modding.

 

Tell her the car needs to go into the "shop" for a "fix" excellent...

 

If your financally responsible, and you can afford it, the best bet is to let your wife spend some money on something for herself that is about the same cost as the mods you want to do. That way you can at least balance out the equation.

I just let my wife spend a crap load of money getting our backyard landscaped. While it did need a facelift, I wasn't realy keen on the idea until JWT announced they were coming out with a TT kit for the Z.

Next year, once the kit is released and the backyard is payed off, I will have no problem spending that much on my car, and my wife won't be able to say too much about it.

Its all about give and take. For me, my mods cost about twice as much as for everyone else cuz I have to indulge my wife an approximate amount.

Good luck, and remember two things. Your relationship is more important than you car, and you don't have to do every mod right away.

 

I have other "TOYS" that I sell on ebay (anyone want to buy any audiophile speaker cables for thier home stereo??). That money goes directly to my "stealth money" box (It shouldn't be named "stealth" anymore, because she knows I have it, she just doesn't know exactly how much I have. She does understand that if I sell one of my "toys" the money goes towards more "toys" for me. Crap, if I don't fuss over her spending money at the stupid mall buying cloths she doesn't need complain about me spending MY OWN money on MY TOYS.

another hint, Christmas and birthdays come around 2x a year. My wife always asks what I "want", I have to go through the "what do I want? or what do you want me to have" lecture every year. I am still like a kid, if I shake a box and it is light and makes no noise (clothes) I am not happy . Don't buy me boring clothes when you have been buying them for yourself all year and never need a special occasion for it. Buy me what I "WANT"!!!!

 

Well, if I were you the first thing I'd do is go buy a Toyota Corolla.

Then, let the modding begin!



Might be a fun little prank if you went and bought some really crappy used Corolla and had it waiting @ home one day, along with a ton of boxes (maybe empty, to be a joke) that look like they have Z parts in them.

Actually though, my wife and I (recently married but living in sin for quite some time) have separate accounts so we can have a bit more freedom on what we spend our money on. Luckily, both of us prefer saving to spending, so at least we don't have to worry about the other bleeding us dry in the financial department. Maybe the two of you can decide on a budget for mods (maybe something monthly, like say $100-$500 a month - depending on the financial situation). Then you can "save" for a few months and get something cool without it being a surprise to anyone.

Eh, just tossing out ideas in case the whole Corolla plan doesn't go over too well.

Good luck!

-D'oh!

 

Darthvol-
Strength in numbers, mob mentality, a 65 member support group, whatever you want to call it-
join the Middle Tennessee Z Club.

We meet again at Doug's shop August 5 and have an event July 24- both of you need to come to get in on the modding frenzy with the other 350 owners in the club.

Once she sees what $30,000 in mods look like, you're plans will look downright sensible!

See
http://www.middletennesseezclub.com