Pembroke Pines/Miramar/Hollywood Z Meet
04-29-2009, 07:49 AM
#7721
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Port St Lucie, FL
Posts: 433
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I hope to not offend, but I have to post this one - I'll apologize later. lol
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?"
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?"
04-29-2009, 07:52 AM
#7722
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Port St Lucie, FL
Posts: 433
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."
04-29-2009, 07:55 AM
#7723
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Port St Lucie, FL
Posts: 433
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard *****. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in
his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did just now?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to sh*t that cue ball out, he measures everything first now."
his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did just now?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to sh*t that cue ball out, he measures everything first now."
04-29-2009, 07:56 AM
#7724
Registered User
Thread Starter
iTrader: (11)
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Bay Area, SF
Posts: 2,624
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign - I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the guy is telling his friend about it: "I told him I was blind and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down, and the bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs?" The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua???!!!"
04-29-2009, 07:58 AM
#7725
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Port St Lucie, FL
Posts: 433
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
04-29-2009, 08:02 AM
#7727
Registered User
Thread Starter
iTrader: (11)
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Bay Area, SF
Posts: 2,624
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Antoine can fit a cue ball on his butt. I know this because he mooned me at my room window @ Ramada in Tampa, and I saw all the lights coming out of his a-hole.
04-29-2009, 08:23 AM
#7731
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 765
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
you can find me here: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?...65&ref=profile
04-29-2009, 08:24 AM
#7732
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Port St Lucie, FL
Posts: 433
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
04-29-2009, 08:33 AM
#7734
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Port St Lucie, FL
Posts: 433
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives.
The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.
They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."
Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.
The man replied, "Well, I was lying under the bed and she crawled over and said, "Come out and fight like a man!".
The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.
They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."
Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.
The man replied, "Well, I was lying under the bed and she crawled over and said, "Come out and fight like a man!".
04-29-2009, 08:39 AM
#7735
Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miami
Posts: 665
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
04-29-2009, 09:02 AM
#7737
Registered User
iTrader: (14)
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Miami
Posts: 2,974
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."
