I may be attending a viewing tonight and definately will be attending a funeral tomorrow. It is my first so I was wandering what is proper etiquette at such events? All I know is what I see in movies such as "Wedding Crashers". In all seriousness, though. I know I should wear black or dark colors, but is there anything else required? Such as bringing flowers?

Also, there is a reception after the funeral. In such a somber environment, would it be proper to try and cheer up the family? Not to tell jokes or anything, but to portray optimism in a such a situation. Or should I just shut my mouth and let them grieve.

Any help would that would keep me from looking like a moron would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

I honestly wouldn't try cheering anyone up...

haven't been to a funeral yet, how close are you to the person? Sometimes people bring flowers and put it there before leaving

 

I'm pretty close to the grand daughter of the person who passed. She was really close to him and has been a mess since he passed.

 

Well in that case, I'd say stay by her and comfort her...

no funeral crashing! since you saw that movie

 

The standard format is fairly simple. Dress nicely. Yes, black is preferred, but as long as you're not walking around looking like a peacock you'll be fine. When you show up, depending on how well attended the wake is there should be a line that will follow a fairly standard format of taking you past a guest book that you sign, then brings you to the casket where there's usually room for up to two people to use the kneeler and say a quick prayer, and then the line finsihes up by moving past the family. Shake hands, hug, what-have you. Generally you can't go wrong by expressing sympathy and asking how everyone is doing. Sometimes the layout of the funeral parlor will change up the layout so that it's guest-book, family, then casket, but that really doesn't change things much.

As for gifts, check the funerary announcement. Sometimes the family will state specifically that money that would otherwise be used for flowers or whatnot should be donated to a specific charity/organization, but failing that you can bring flowers. Although if you aren't close it's perfectly acceptable to show without a gift, or with a minimum of a sympathy card. If you're attending the funeral of a Catholic then you can always get a Mass card from one of your local Catholic churches (A Mass card is similar to a gift card. You give X amount of dollars to a Church and they agree to include said deceased in the appropriate section of the regular Masses Y number of times.), but I haven't seen one of those in a while.

Granted, that's how it is Christian wakes. It's been a while since I've sat Shiva with any of my Jewish friends/families, and I've never attended a funeral for someone who wasn't either Christian or Jewish, but when in doubt just go along with the crowd.

 

m0nkie: I would never think of it.

ARCGuy: Great information! Thanks a lot. You sound like a professional funeral attender. What you wrote should be in wikipedia.

Thanks guys for the info.

 

im not really gonna say much in this thread.


just do what feels right and dont make a *** out of yourself, its pretty simple.

 

wtf? you never been to a funeral? dude i been to 18 funerals and counting... i guess thats what its like growing up in "da hood" lolz... but on the real, thats good man, death is a wack thing. i think that if i hang out with you for the rest of my life i might just live forever since death seems to be avoiding you

 

iono... I was getting close to ODing once at your place...

 

let them bask in misery for awhile. I'm sure they don't want to hear about how better things can be. They'll be agitated.