'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the forums
Not a user was posting, not even picture whorings;

The PMs were saved in the inbox with care,
In hopes that Andy@Performance soon would be there;

The sponsers were quiet all calm in their threads,
While visions of Works and Volks danced in their heads;

Nothing to do but to browse the Lounge and turn off the light,
I decided to just settle down for a long overnight,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I dropped the tissue and lotion to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, I gazed with my eyes and my lips aquiver,
A brown UPS truck, painted with the words "We Deliver",

My goods had finally come, and damn did I feel randy.
The driver then spoke, "Dude your pants are down. And by the way, the name's Andy".

It was him! I had so many things I wanted to ask him about,
And he simply nodded, "Settle down noob. No need to shout";

"Now, wheels! Now other mods and more! Just PM me and don't you fret!
Good deals for all! And yes we have that in aggressive offsets!

You need a drop? No worries we'll slam that ride!
Sit down son, not on stocks but on authentic Brides!"

As he continued on, I drooled a little and my hands started to shake
He looked at me and said "Don't worry, we have all brands, all makes"

So a price list Andy handed me, with a note "Just for you",
With suspension, bodykits, and even lugnuts too.

And then, in a rumble, I heard his exhaust
So sexy, so deep, it seemed my mind was lost

As I drew in my breath, and checked out his wares
He handed me pics of his rides as I stood and stared.

Some of the cars had stickers all over and I asked Andy if I could have some too,
"This isn't kindergarden and those aren't just stickers. Those are for sponsership fool";

A bundle of mods he had packed in his truck,
My jaw hit the floor as I said "wow holy ****".

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

He was like Santa, but better, a guy that knew what pimping a ride was about
He stopped me and said "Can you stop staring at me, you're freaking me out"

Back to his exhaust I looked as I gritted my teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had too much stuff available, everything on sale,
"Don't worry we got what you need, and you'll get it without fail".

I have to admit, I'm not into guys but he reminded me of Legolas; You know, the sexy kind of elf,
Then he showed me the new Volks that were coming, and I almost shat my pants in spite of myself;

Wait, how much will these cost? A slight shake of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but told me the deal,
"Just PM me and we'll get you a steal",

After showing me a spoiler and on a rear diffuser installed below,
I asked him for an autograph before he had to go

He sprang to his seat, engine started, with his keys in the lock,
He reminded me "that friends don't let friends drive stock".

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."